Drinking the unknown

Today is just another day into the unknown world of mad cow's milk. Like several other million people I have a dairy intolerance. Here's the difference between me and you...I actually know I have one, the rest of you are suffering in ignorance, smelling up your homes while unable to put down the sesame seed cracker and cheddar cheese square, you are just too addicted to see the signs. I of course diagnosed myself after several months of uncomfortable whatevers (you don't want me to go in detail here) and a few trips to the saw bones. Well okay, I had help from my doctor who made a few suggestions but maybe didn't have the nerve to say, "chubby girl, lay off the animal fat in milk and cheese, enroll in a spinning class and you'll probably feel better." Ah, if only Dane Cook was my primary care physician...

It was clear that the only thing to do was embark on a dairy-free diet for one month, track my diet, my weight, how I'm feeling and learn to be 'OK' with tofu. Then I can take a decent amount of information back to the saw-bones, have an unpleasant allergy test and call it like it is. It was suggested that I try taking lactaid before I eat something with milk, I followed the directions to the letter and it was a disaster. Definitely made things worse - my husband could barely stay in the same room as me, bless his heart...his stinking, non-mad cow heart - he can eat whatever he wants and never gain a pound! Disclaimer: there may be a slight undertone of jealously to the male gender and their ability to eat, walk the dog for 5 minutes and look 'beach-ready' in January. Bums.
Then, for about a month I slowly gave in to Parmesan on my pasta, cheese on my sandwich and then the coup de grace: mac'n'cheese. Aaaand I felt worse and worse. It was finally time to give into my ailment and go whole hog...

So. Here I am in a new world where the streets are not paved with cheese but rather tofu - which quite honestly I haven't had the nerve to dive in to. My love affair with cheese, milk, ice cream, all things bright and beautiful is over. After 24 years of faithful service to the cow, she has turned her back on me and I without any regret do the same and to take a line from one of my favorite movies, 'fart in her general direction.' I'm already in my 2nd week of dairy-free and a wealth of knowledge - granted this all comes from an interior design graduate armed with the internet and a plethora of dairy-free paraphernalia - but I'm hungry for alternatives and have made a few useful discoveries. Drinking my way through un-refridgerated, non-milk products with clever images of flowing liquid...still, vanilla flavored almond milk is turning out to be quite the treat. Eat and learn my friends.
Enjoy the trials, triumphs and what I am sure will be some interesting recipes and product reviews to calm the inner fat kid screaming for milk and cookies, blue-box mac'n'cheese and lots and lots of ice cream.

But this is life on earth, you just can't have everything.

^the perfect last line for my rants and raves taken from my favorite book which I was re-reading for the hundredth time, given to me by my bestest man-friend: "The Princess Bride, S. Morgenstern's Classic Tale of True Love and High Adventure. The "Good Parts" Version abridged by William Goldman."

[Alice]